1. One day I asked one of my patients whether you smoke or not. He said, “Kabhi kabhi cigarette peeta hoon.” I wrote on my file he smokes occasionally. His wife got upset and asked me to ask him, “What does he mean by ‘Kabhi kabhi peeta hoon’?” When asked he said that he does not smoke all the time “kabhi kabhi to ghante nikal jate hain aur me nahi pita” (some time sits hours that I do not smoke)

2. One day a patient came to me after three months and said, “Doc three months back I was having fever and you had told me not to take any bath. All this while, I was busy and could not come to you. Can I take a bath now?”

3. Chod diya. A patient came with his wife and the wife asked me to ask the patient, “Cigarette Chod do”. I also counseled and said, “Cigarette Chod do”. A few weeks later, he said, “Chod diya.” There are four meanings of Chod diya:

i. Biwi ko Chod diya

ii. Doctor ko Chod diya

iii.Dono ko Chod diya

iv. Cigarette ko Chod diya

4. After an echo test, one of my patients asked a technician, “can I eat?” and my technician told, “You can eat after one hour.” A few minutes later, the patient came to me and asked me the same question without telling me that he had already asked my technician. I said, “You can eat.” He said, “Your technician said after one hour.” I was in embarrassing position. I said to make it light, “he told for you not to eat for one hour and not for the patient.”

5.  One of my patients said that he never drinks more than three pegs. His wife said, “Don’t believe in him. After three pegs he does not remembers how many pegs he drinks.”

6. There are funny examples of cigarette smoking:

i.  Smokers do not grow old (as they die in young age)

ii.  Smokers do not get second heart attack (most die in the first attack)

iii. Smoking cures cancer (most smoke related lung cancers have only six month’s life)

iv. Thieves do not come into the smoker’s house as he coughs throughout the night.

v.Smokers’ brothers do not fight for property (their property has already gone to hospitals for treatment of smoking related disorders)

vi. Smoker’s wife does not suspect him (smoking leads to impotence).